Book Review: Overcoming the Dark Side of Leadership

My friend, Zack Blair, recommended I read this one. After reading it, this is another book that should be required reading for everyone who aspires to lead in any capacity.

This book doesn’t focus on principles on how to lead, but rather focuses on you. It’s more of a self-assessment book. It teaches that we all have a dark side to our leadership that’s developed in our lives through our upbringing and experiences that will cause us to seek and pursue success for the wrong motives.

If these motives go unchecked and aren’t dealt with, ultimately, if we reach what we thought would be success, we won’t be satisfied, and the outcome is usually a moral fall, misuse of people, or some other less than ideal outcomes.

This book will help you identify your dark side and provide the steps to overcoming it.

Must read for any leader.

Final Grade: 10/10    Buy it HereSome Highlights:

• Personal dysfunction, in one form or another, can often  serve as the driving force behind an individual’s desire  to achieve success as a leader.

• The problem arises from the fact that success is not something one  can have or possess. True success is a state of being not having.

• • The “dark side” refers to our inner urges, compulsions,  motivations, and dysfunctions that drive us toward success  or undermine our accomplishments.

• The 5 Dark Sides of Leaders are: The Compulsive Leader, The Narcissitic Leader, The Paranoid Leader, The Passive Aggressive Leader, and the Co-Dependent Leader

• The sooner we stop denying our dark  side’s existence the sooner we will stop blaming the devil, our  parents, bad breaks, and every other possible reason for our  struggles. Blaming others is one of the symptoms that denial  is taking place. It is always easier to deny we have any problem  if we can lay the blame for our shortcomings at somebody else’s feet.

• Any attempts to overcome the dark  side apart from the application of spiritual truth about our true  position and identity in Christ will end in failure.

You’re Not That Bad and Neither am I!

Serve Your Way to the Top – 7 Lessons I Learned While Serving My Way onto a Church Staff

Lesson 7 – You’re not that Bad

⁶ And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. – Phil 1:6

I heard John Maxwell say this to young leaders once, and it’s encouraged me to this day: “In the beginning, you’re not as bad as people think. Don’t you just want to say that sometimes to people, “You know I’m bad, but I’m not that bad.” But if you do things right in life – in the end, you’re not as good as people think. Somewhere in between those two, is where you should live.”

“I’m not where I’m supposed to be, but Thank God I’m not where I used to be.” -Joyce Meyer

When we’re young it’s so hard to get this, I know it’s a struggle for me. We place huge expectations on us that often, aren’t fair at all. We expect to be where others are, without recognizing it took those people 30 years to get there. Here are a few thoughts:

1.) Just Get Good – A mentor once told me, “Your 20’s isn’t for fruit, it’s a time to be developed. Follow your passion and grow as much as you can.” Get good at what you’re doing – it will pay off down the road.

2.) Remember the Faithfulness of God – it’s so easy to forget that God’s been faithful in the past isn’t it? However, when we look back, none of us can say that God hasn’t done incredible things in the past, He’s doing them right now, and He’s faithful – He’ll do them in our future if we’ll follow Him with everything we got.

3.) Surround Yourselves with Encouragers - We all want to throw in the towel at times. Make sure you have safe relationships in your life. People you can share struggles with, and don’t be afraid to ask for encouragement. Everybody needs it, and in reality – encouragement will push you through the toughest moments in your life.

4.) Enjoy the Journey – easiest thing to talk about, hardest thing to live out. Success is never a destination, success is living everyday giving God your best. Take time to enjoy where you’re at right now, because in just a little while, you’ll be saying “I love that season of my life, I wish i enjoyed it more than I did.”

So there you go – 7 lessons I learned while serving my way on staff at a church. I hope it blessed you!

What lessons have you learned through serving?

It’s the Changed Life, Not the Crowd that Makes the Difference

Serve Your Way to the Top – 7 Lessons I Learned While Serving My Way onto a Church Staff

Lesson 6 – It’s the Changed Life, Not the Crowd that Makes the Difference

^19-20My dear friends, if you know people who have wandered off from God’s truth, don’t write them off. Go after them. Get them back and you will have rescued precious lives from destruction and prevented an epidemic of wandering away from God.                                                      James 5:19-20

Something I’ve been recognizing lately is that whenever Jesus would heal someone or impact one person’s life, often the crowd would be wowed by the actual event other times the crowd would be upset and in disbelief. However, Jesus never really cared what the crowd thought. He cared about the person He was ministering to. Jesus didn’t care about attracting crowds, He cared about impacting individuals.

Too often – we focus on drawing a crowd and forget about the individual. While crowds are great because it means more people are hearing the Word, we forget that it’s each of those individuals being changed by God that truly makes the difference. A marriage restored, an addiction broken, someone with no purpose grabbing hold of God’s purpose for their lives – it’s a beautiful thing. It’s a compilation of changed lives that makes a move of God and a crowd an amazing thing, not a crowd of people just there for an event or experience.

Some Thoughts on this:

1.) The Crowd will Never Be Big Enough – Unless we recognize the power of one changed life and value it for what it’s worth, we’ll never think there are enough people in our ministries.

2.) When the Crowd Comes, It’s not a Big Deal - We often think if we’re able to minister to a large crowd, we’ll be satisfied. That is not true at all. We have to find our worth in Christ, so when God does bless us with more influence, we won’t be disappointed that it doesn’t provide the feelings of success we thought it would. A big deal in life is when we’re free from worrying about attracting a crowd and worrying more about impacting one life.

3.) Nothing is More Fulfilling than Touching One Life – There isn’t anything more fulfilling than knowing you’ve made a difference in one person’s life because you were obedient to God.

4.) Be Faithful with One, God will bring Many - The bottom line is that if we’ll be faithful with the one person in front of us, God will continue to bring people in front of our path so we can minister to them. In time, you’ll be impacting more people than you could have dreamed of, and it’s not because you’re so awesome, it’s because God knows you’ll be faithful with the one.

Focus on ministering to one person today – make a difference in their life!

Book Review: Spiritual Leadership

I recently heard about this book from a John Maxwell Lesson. He said it’s one of the books that have influenced him the most in his life on leadership. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to read it.

This was probably the best leadership book I’ve read. The title makes it obvious, but it’s because it concentrates on being a spiritual leader, not just a leader in general. I’ll be going back through this book often. It is definitely a book that will mark my life. I’d make this required reading for anyone who wants to go into ministry.

Big Takeaway: If God’s called you to lead, go after it with all of your heart, but recognize that leadership is a responsibility, not a game or for your glory.

Final Grade: 10/10      Buy it Here

Some Highlights:

• God assigns places of spiritual ministry and leadership in His sovereign will.

• If the disciples figured to learn about leadership on the fast track and with appropriate perks and bonuses, Jesus soon disillusioned them.

• “It occurs to me that perhaps the best test of whether one is qualified to lead, is to find out whether anyone is following.”

• One should inquire of a potential leader whether he or she 1) does little things well; 2) has learned to focus on priorities; 3) uses leisure well; 4) has intensity; 5) knows how to exploit momentum; 6) is growing; 7) overcomes discouragement and “impossible” situations; and understands his or her weaknesses.

• The secular mind and heart, however gifted and personally charming, has no place in the leadership of the church.

• To reach this goal, a spouse must fully share the leader’s spiritual aspirations and be willing to join in the necessary sacrifices. Many a gifted leader has been lost to high office and spiritual effectiveness because of an uncooperative spouse.

• Jesus’ classrooms were the highways of life; His principles and values came across in the midst of daily experience. Jesus placed disciples into internships (Luke 10:17–24) that enabled them to learn through failure and success (Mark 9:14–29).

• Before we can conquer the world, we must first conquer the self.

• We cannot learn about prayer except by praying.

• The character and career of a young person depends on how he or she spends spare time.

• Minutes and hours wisely used translate into an abundant life.

• Our problem is not too little time but making better use of the time we have. Each of us has as much time as anyone else. The president of the United States has the same twenty-four hours as we. Others may surpass our abilities, influence, or money, but no one has more time.

• ‘Well, I just had two hours to kill here in between trains, and I thought I would come and see you.’ That used to bother me. Then the Lord convinced me that He sends people our way.

• Unless our reading includes serious thinking, it is wasted time.

• Those who lead the church are marked by a willingness to give up personal preferences

• Only one Leader holds office forever; no successor is needed for Him

These highlights surely do not give justice to the book – there were so many that I probably have 5-6 pages! Buy this book!

You Never Know

On Friday I got to go back to my high school, North Allegheny, for a football game. I have to say, it was a blast! I loved high school! However, the reason I loved going back wasn’t for the reasons I used to like going there (the social life), this time it was because I got to say thank you.

I got to thank my Principle and Assistant principle from high school for changing my life. I reminded them of one instance when I got called to the office with a friend for doing something stupid. They sat us down, and the assistant principle looked at both of us and said, “You’re both leaders, you know that don’t you? You influence everyone around you and you can either use it for good or for bad, it’s your choice.”

My friend and I left that meeting laughing and saying to each other, “Us leaders?????” hahaha… What a funny thought”

It’s  been 6 years since that incident and I’ve had my life totally transformed. I’m nowhere close to arriving, but I’ve really purposed in my heart to develop myself as a leader, to influence others for good, and to develop leaders.

So why share this story? Because I”ll always remember that experience, it was the first time someone told me I was a leader and believed in me.

What’s my point? You’ll never know how big of an impact you can have in someones life if you’ll just believe in them enough to care and to encourage. You could change their life forever just by telling them you believe in them.

The best part is you never know what they’ll accomplish as a result of your encouragement until years later when the come back and thank you.

I’m so glad I got the chance on Friday to thank people for changing my life, who probably rarely see the outcome of their investment in students.

Who has impacted your life and doesn’t know it? Find them and tell them how they made a difference in your life. I promise you, it will be one of the most fulfilling things you do.

My Filing System

Filing is something I learned about through John Maxwell and Pastor Larry Bettencourt. It’s helped them and it  has helped me tremendously. Before I tell you how I file, let me share with you what and why I file!

What I file - I file stories, quotes, notes, and nuggets by topic. I also  have a separate filing system for memories… I’ll share that at the end.

Why I File… for the Future – Let’s just say in 10 years I get asked to speak on leadership. Specifically on how to lead a team. Because I’ve been filing since I was 18, I’ll be able to go into my teamwork file and put out all kind of nuggets, quotes, and stories about teamwork. I’ll have done 10+ years of research on the topic and have all the data in one folder.

Filing Makes Me Better than I really Am – Imagine the best of 10 years of material in one lesson. People will think you’re a genius! When in reality, it’s the result of 10+ years of the small discipline of filing daily!

How I File

Let me just say first that you  need to find a system that works for you. John Maxwell laid out his filing system here. Pastor Larry’s is different than both of ours, and a lot of our techniques are similar. Here is my system:

Symbols:

I – Something I want to implement in my life

NC -A quote I want on a note card and to file away.

BNC – Something I want to teach some day (Usually multiple points in a chapter – i.e. 10 characteristics of a potential leader)

S – Story

Techniques:

Books – If I find something on a page on Teamwork, I’ll write teamwork with a circle on it. Then one of the symbols indicating what kind of material it is, a lesson, quote, story, or something to implement. Then in the book sleeve I’ll write something like this: Teamwork – pg. 23, NC. That means there is a quote I want to put in a file or on a notecard on teamwork on  page 23. I do this for any topic I come across throughout the book. So when I’m done reading a book I can go to the sleeve and look at my highlights and do the necessary filing (Make copies of the pages, type up the quotes, etc.)

Audio - I’ll usually take notes and do the same thing with my notes… If a podcast I’ll try to write the podcast and how many minutes in the topic is so I can go back and listen to it.

Stories - This one took me a while to figure out! I have one folder now for stories – on the top of the stories I’ll grade the story on a 1-10 scale. If it’s a 10, it’s a story that regardless of how bad my sermon is, it’ll make it amazing. You can usually use stories for any topic you speak on, so that’s why I keep them in one folder.

Pretty much everything else I do, I do in journals – that’s an entirely different post.

Do you have a filing system? I’d love to hear what you do that’s different!

BONUS: A bonus folder I keep is a “Rainy Day File” – it’s my favorite folder. I got this idea from Pastor Larry. I keep a file of all the cards, letters, and other things people give me that inspire me, encourage me, or bring a smile to my face. That way, when I have a bad day or don’t think I’m doing anything with my life, I go to the rainy day folder and get reminded that I am making a difference in people’s lives. Enjoy!

I have an Addiction

If I’ve been challenged in any area of my walk with God it’s the constant battle of learning about God (information) and knowing God (intimacy). I absolutely love learning, in fact, I often feel like Neo from the Matrix when I listen to tapes, read books, etc.. I get all of this information crammed in my brain and it makes me feel amazing, for the moment. I’m addicted to gathering information.

Glen Packiam recently wrote a book that I haven’t gotten a chance to read yet, called Second Hand Jesus. The thesis is essentially that we live in a culture that experiences God 2nd hand through books, listening to sermons, etc.instead of experiencing Him for ourselves.I believe we’ve experienced a lot of things second hand.

Over time, I’ve come to the realization that I can know a ton about God, but not KNOW God. I can know a lot about leadership, but not actually be leading. I can learn a lot about love, but not actually love. I can learn a lot about successful relationships, and have nothing but shallow relationships.

While I’ve experienced God for myself, I haven’t to the level that I want to. While I’ve led to a certain level in my life, I haven’t developed my potential as a leader as I should have . . . you get the picture. All because I’m more focused on information than intimacy, learning than doing, talking instead of walking…

The problem with this lifesytle is that it’s not real. Until you’ve moved beyond information to intimacy, learning to doing, talking to walking… You’ve never actually lived what you’ve learned, but how often do we learn something new and believe we’re living it because we’ve read it.

I don’t know if you struggle with this or not, but I know this, I’m finished living this lifestyle. While I’m comitted to being a life long learner, I’m making a commitment to refuse to continue to just gather  information so I can say I did or quote something cool from a book or sermon. Instead, I’m going to start focusing on being with God, actually leading, actually doing what I’m learning. I know this is the season God is bringing me into… and I couldn’t be more thrilled.

What about you? Are you an information addict? What do you do to combat this?

1 Year of Blogging (Part 1): Why I Blog – And Why You Should

“Leadership is influence, Nothing more, Nothing Less.” -John Maxwell

I can’t believe I’ve been blogging for a year either! I want to take a few posts and talk to you about why I blog, what I’ve learned, how to start a blog, what blogs you should be reading,  etc.. I hope it helps you and by the end of it, I hope that you’ll start you’re own blog.

Why I blog:

I Blog for Me - It may sound odd, but blogging has really helped me learn a lot about myself. What I’m passionate about, what’s important and what’s not, etc.. Also, I would love to write several books one day and it’s really helping me write consistently and evaluate my writing. It also helps me gather my thoughts on a subject and get them out on writing, helping me to learn the subject quicker and easier. These are just a few of the benefits!

I Blog for You – I know that the best minute I can spend today is the one I spend investing in people. It’s said that the average person will unintentionally influence 10,000 people in their life. That’s unintentionally! I think a blog is just one way to intentionally influence people. And to be honest, I’ve had people that I haven’t talked to in years say that my blog posts have helped them. If only one person read my blog and was positively influenced by it, I’d do it! I blog because I want to add value to your life.

Answers to Arguments I’ve Heard on Why People Don’t Blog:

Nobody Cares what I have to Say: This bothers me big time! Your life has a ton of value and if you’d believe that and act on it, I think you’d realize you have a lot more influence than you think. Step out and believe God that what you have to say can make a difference in the lives of others.

I Don’t Have Time - People have time for what they want to have time for. If you believe in your blog enough and believe it’s making a difference – you’ll make time for it.

Why You Should Blog

You Should Blog for Others - You’ll be able to influence people that nobody else can influence through your blog. People are waiting desperately for the answers you may provide on your blog. You could change someones life forever! Just think, even if only one person reads your blog and is changed by it, isn’t it worth it?

You Should Blog for You - It’s almost like a journal on steroids – a place to record what you’re learning, what you’d like to teach, your thoughts, your concerns, your journey through life. It’s a wonderful experience.

Articles You Should Read about Why You Should Blog:

• What Michael Hyatt’s Learned from 4 Years of Blogging
• Is Blogging a good use of my time?
• How Can You Get Published if you don’t have a Platform?

Here is a video presentation by Michael Hyatt on why you should blog:

1 Year of Twitter…What You Need to Know, Who You Should Follow

I’ve been on Twitter for a year already… Hard to believe! However, I absolutely love it.

Included in this post are some articles that will help you understand Twitter and how to effectively use it as well as some people worth following on Twitter. I’m sure I’ll have some more posts on Twitter in the future… Hope this one helps! At the bottom of this post is a video that Twitter plays on it’s homepage… It is a brief explanation of Twitter…

Articles on Twitter – How to, Answers to Objections, Why, Etc.

• Why Twitter?
• Answers to Objections
• 12 Reasons to Start Twittering
• Beginners Guide to Twitter
• Update Your Facebook Status with Twitter
• How Much Time Does Twitter Really Take?

So Who Should You be Following… These People:

Victory Family Church Twitterers:

@lifeatvictory - Victory Family Church

@VictoryBible - Victory Bible Institute

@19North – Young Adult Ministry

@I_am_Revolution - Youth Ministry

@pcdebower – Associate Pastor

@stvmoore – Executive Pastor

@nathan_hurst - Youth Pastor

@zackblair - Young Adult Pastor (19 North)

@mdgates – Business Administrator

@chrismart_in – Website/Creative Director

@seweaver1 - VBI Assistant

@bubbasmith – Youth Assistant (me)

@smoore001526 – Youth Assistant

Leaders You Should Follow:

@michaelhyatt – CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishing

@johncmaxwell - Leadership Guru

@joycemeyer - Ministry

@perrynoble – Senior Pastor at Newspring Church

@stevenfurtick - Senior Pastor at Elevation Church

@erwinmcmanus - Senior Pastor at Mosaic Church

@jeannemayo - Youth Pastors/Leader Coach

@johnpiper - Pastor/Author

@bcoop - Youth Pastor at Newspring Church

@tomziglar – Zig Ziglars Son

@andystanley – Senior Pastor North Point Church

Others I Enjoy Following:

@lbettencourt - Finishline Ministries . . . Great friend and personal mentor

@benrath – 19 North Coordinator, friend, mentor

There are a ton more people I follow that I’d love to mention… but I just recommend jumping on board and finding the people that you want to follow. If you have any other questions about twitter – let me know! I’m sure I’ll do more posts on Twitter in the future!

Spring Highlights 2009

I can’t believe 2009 is halfway over! Where is the time going?

The spring of 2009 was absolutely crazy! In the beginning of the year I really felt like my “theme” for this year would be “A year in the wilderness” – and it definitely has been. Some of the biggest ups and downs of my life so far! A lot happened in the spring… Here are some of the highlights…Enjoy:

I got to meet Erwin McManus!

And Craig Groeschel!

The Boys on our Trip to Orange County for Catalyst West Coast

We did it! We ran the Pittsburgh Marathon (26.2 Miles!)

I finally graduated college (Robert Morris University)

My good friend Mark Damico and his Bride Rachel!

Cadre Retreat in Atlanta with Jeanne Mayo and some Incredible Youth Pastors

While in Atlanta – I got to check out Stone Mountain – Pretty Sweet

In the Winter I Totaled my Saturn… I ended up Buying a 2009 Toyota Corolla

Chris Martin and I at Bible School Graduation – 3 years went so fast!

With some Boys at Jumonville Camp… Got to be the camp speaker – what a privilege

Impartation Conference at our Church was awesome!

Finally to end the Spring I was in the Hospital in Rushville, IL during our youth camp… Fun times

How was your spring?

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